What did we do last night that was yellow?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
