I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize