Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
