Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
