The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
