Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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