Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize