we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
