There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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