I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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