Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
