I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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