I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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