I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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