i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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