This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
