Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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