just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She's the barista slut.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
