Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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