yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
