she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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