I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
