And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
