I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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