What did we do last night that was yellow?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
