Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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