Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
