I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
