How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
