hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize