You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
