dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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