Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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