and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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