Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
