the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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