i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
