I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
