i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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