So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
