I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
