No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Someone signed my nipple.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
