Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
