yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
