singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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