Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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