First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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