come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
