When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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