I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
