Yo dont text me then not text me
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
