Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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