i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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