well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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