So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
