When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
