the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I could have mohawked her pubes.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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