Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
