and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
