dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
