i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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