everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
