My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
