A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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