you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
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