I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
