I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
