we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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