what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
