Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
