Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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