'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
do nipples grow back?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
